Don't Second Guess Your College Application

Over the last month, early college application decisions have been landing in email inboxes and student portals (a few have even arrived the old-fashioned way: snail mail). For some, the landing has been smooth and joyful, and for others, the outcome drops like a lead balloon. When you are deferred to the regular admission pool or denied altogether, it can sting. No one likes to get bad news, and at a significant time of life transition and anticipation, it can feel especially high-stakes and discouraging.​

As you process your disappointment, you will likely be reminded by well-meaning family, friends, and counselors, that this decision is not a referendum on your self-worth. But it sure feels like it. It can be difficult for you to separate yourself from your candidacy in selective admission pools. You might wonder: “What did I do wrong?” “Should I have asked a different teacher for a recommendation?” “Should I have chosen another essay topic?” “Did I not rank order my activities to best represent me?”

The truth is, you probably did everything right and submitted a strong application. But so did almost everyone else who applied. Karen Richardson is the dean of admission and financial aid at Princeton University. She explains, “We are fortunate to have a highly qualified applicant pool, so not receiving the decision you hoped for is not a reflection of your strength. It’s important to remember that there are factors in building a class that are out of your control as an applicant.” Anna Follensbee, associate director of college counseling at Gilman School, echoes this, saying, “the nature of the selective admission process means that colleges receive far more qualified and compelling applications than they have space for.” She adds, “They are also balancing their own priorities as they shape a class, like fielding athletic teams or seeking geographic diversity.”

Follensbee says, “After a student receives a defer or deny decision, I completely understand the temptation to dig back into their application to try to unearth ‘what went wrong.’” She points out, however, that “it almost certainly wasn’t because you listed volunteer work ahead of music in your activities list or that the concluding sentence of your essay wasn't strong enough.” She advises, “As long as you know that you proofread and are proud of your applications, I would encourage you to look forward–whether that's finalizing Regular Decision applications, researching schools where you have been offered admission, or applying for scholarships–rather than look back.” Richardson agrees, saying, “focus on keeping your grades up through senior year, providing significant updates if you’ve been deferred and possibly rethink your top choices should your original choice not come through.”

It is natural to second-guess yourself, and you are also taught in school to be persistent. When you first don’t understand a math or science problem, you are encouraged to try a different approach. Likewise, in humanities courses, English and history papers are revised and resubmitted. Quizzes and test corrections often earn extra points. It is all part of the learning process. So is having confidence in the final product, and knowing what is within and out of your control. If the outcome of your application to college is not what you had hoped, don’t waste time dissecting every choice you made and doubting yourself. Rally around what lies ahead and the unique contributions you will make to the college community that is lucky enough to welcome you.

Originally posted on Forbes.com by Brennan Barnard