Excuses, Excuses

It’s that time of year. Deadlines are looming. My partners and I have been working nonstop with our seniors for months. We crafted a well-thought-out schedule that our students agreed to. That is, until senior year started. Now the deadlines are looming. October 15^th? That’s in 9 days. And that means it is time for excuses.

• “I didn’t see your text!” (while clearly online three minutes ago)

• “Zoom wouldn’t let me in!” (aka: I couldn’t find the link even though it’s the same link for every meeting)

• “My WiFi is out.” (translation: I have something more fun to do right now)

• “I slept through my alarm.” (truth: I went to bed way too late last night)

• “I didn’t get the reminder email.” (Yes, you did–I can see that you opened the email)

And my least favorite and the most common excuse I hear? “I’ve been so busy…” 

Who isn’t busy?! I don’t know anyone who isn’t busy. I don’t have any students who are sitting at home with nothing to do. 

One of my favorite adages is: “If you want something done, ask a busy person.” So true! My students who are the busiest are the ones who get the most done and who never miss deadlines. In fact, they are way ahead of deadlines. The student body president and football team starter who is in four AP classes and working on research that’s going to be published? He’s almost done. The aspiring doctor taking six AP classes, two college classes, volunteering 20 hours a week, playing in two orchestras, and swimming on a club team? She has submitted most of her apps. 

So what’s the deal?!

After three decades working with students, parents, and, let’s be honest, my own family, I’ve come to appreciate excuses for what they really are: creative short stories about fear, timing, and self-preservation.

And the truth is — we all make them. You’ve made them. Even the most disciplined person you know has probably uttered something like, “I’ll get it done by the end of the week,” as if life ever sends us a calendar invite titled Nothing Going On Today.

Me? I don’t make excuses. I know nobody wants to hear them. I don’t want to hear myself utter them, either. How did I come to this realization? I had a softball coach in high school whom I respected. She was a great athlete, a pro player, and a supportive coach.  One afternoon in my junior year, I was mailing in practice (that might be a Millennial term—for you Gen Zers and Gen Alphas, that means I wasn’t putting in much effort). As I was the Varsity team captain (glory days!), she confronted me. And I made an excuse. My arm hurt. I’ll never forget what she said: “Any excuse will do, huh? Nobody cares about excuses.” And she walked away. 

I was flummoxed. She called me out. In that moment, I realized that the world isn’t so grey. You did what you were supposed to do, or you didn’t. Black or white. If you didn’t, nobody cares why. Nobody cares about excuses. She expected me to do what I was supposed to do, and I let her down. 

Why We Make Excuses

Excuses are comfort blankets for the ego. They let us sidestep discomfort while pretending we’re still in control. For students, it’s often the fear of failing or being judged. “I didn’t have time to revise my essay” often translates to “I’m frozen. I’m so nervous I might get rejected by (insert name of college) that I couldn’t write anything.”

There is a mix of fear, fatigue, and the quiet hope that tomorrow will be just right and we’ll actually have time to do the things we need to. Spoiler alert: they never are. There will always be an overabundance of To-Dos on your list.

What Excuses Reveal

Excuses aren’t just laziness in disguise — they’re data. They reveal what matters most to us and where we feel most vulnerable.

A student who says they “didn’t have time” to write their essay might actually be suffering from anxiety or stretched thin between family obligations, schoolwork, and outside commitments like sports, volunteering, clubs, and jobs. A friend who “can’t meet up” might just need rest but doesn’t know how to say it.

And sometimes, our most polished excuses protect our biggest dreams. “I’m just waiting for the right moment to start my blog,” might really mean, “I’m terrified it won’t be any good.” (Ask me how I know.)

Spot Your Signature Excuse

Everyone has a favorite. See if you recognize yourself in these classics:

• “I’m not ready yet.” (Perfectionism disguised as preparation.)

• “It’s too late now.” (Regret pretending to be wisdom.)

• “I’m too busy.” (Fear of failure wearing a productivity badge.)

  
  

Once you spot your signature excuse, it becomes harder to hide behind it — and easier to laugh at it. And anyway, do you think people actually believe your excuses? Chances are, they’ve heard the same excuse hundreds of times before, and they think your excuse is totally lame. Teachers? Yup. They’ve heard every excuse in the book. (That applies to counselors and educational consultants like me, too. We’ve heard ‘em all!)

What Happens When You Stop Making Excuses

You didn’t do it? OWN IT! Owning it is, in fact, so much easier than dreaming up excuse after excuse after excuse. 

When I stopped making excuses — really stopped — it was liberating.

You don’t have to bulldoze through fear or make sweeping life changes. Just tell the truth. “I didn’t do it because I was nervous.” “I didn’t start it because I didn’t think I was good enough.” “I couldn’t do it because I didn’t know how.” 

For our high school students, just communicate! It is far better to say "Hey, I could really use another day to get this essay done," or "I have extended football practice tomorrow and know I promised you an essay draft, but I need one more night," than to make an excuse. Proactive, upfront communication is all we’re asking for.

Honesty is indeed strangely liberating. Once you own the real reason, you can decide whether it still deserves to run the show.

Excuses, after all, are just stories we tell ourselves to stay safe. But the world doesn’t get to see your best stories if you keep them trapped behind the ones you make up.

The Challenge

This week, try catching yourself mid-excuse. Before you say, “I haven’t had time,” or “I’ll do it this weekend,” pause and ask: “What am I really saying here?”

You might find something softer underneath — fear, hope, exhaustion, or just a need to be kind to yourself. Then decide what small, honest step you can take anyway.

And if you fail? Congratulations. That means you tried. Which is far more interesting than announcing that you’re waiting for Mercury to go into retrograde.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d write more… but my coffee’s getting cold and my dog needs a belly rub.

Headed for College counselors are here to help you stop making excuses, get out of your own way, and achieve success in the college applicaiton process. Contact us to learn more about how we can help.